24 notes &
Can You Choose to Be Gay?
Orion Jones on January 28, 2012, 3:45 PM
What’s the Latest Development?
Before ‘Sex and the City’ star Cynthia Nixon gave a prepared speech to a gay audience recently, organizers wanted to make changes where Nixon had written that she chose to be gay. In a follow up story, Nixon said: “A certain section of our community is very concerned that it not be seen as a choice, because if it’s a choice, then we could opt out.” What is more important, she says, is solidarity in the community with those who self-identify as gay, no matter how they came to see themselves that way.
What’s the Big Idea?
Where does science fall on the question? Most biologists say nature is more influential than nurture—the education one receives or the interactions one has with peers—when it comes to preferring your own sex in intimate situations. Studies show there is some genetic consistency between individuals who are gay or lesbian. Ellen Schecter, a pyschologist in Hanover, New Hampshire, thinks there is a role for both biology and free will. “You feel what you feel,” she said. “What you do with those feelings might be a choice.”
Photo credit: shutterstock.com
I don’t understand the issue with her saying she chose to be gay. I’m an ally and therefore won’t pretend to speak for someone in the community, but I know of people who have always been heterosexual, with no attractions to those of the same sex who are now in homosexual relationships.
One of my closest friends is marrying a woman she met in Grad School in March. My friend has always known she was a lesbian, but her fiancé had always been heterosexual. She explained to me that she was attracted to and in love with my friend, a emotional and physical connection she had never had with another woman. Like most women, she can appreciate the beauty of other women, but they are not attractions for her. If for some reason they were to not last or if my friend were to die, her next relationship could be with a woman or a man.
They also let me know that just as I’ve chosen to be in interracial relationships, she had chosen to be in this homosexual relationship with the person she loved. It’s not the majority; most people are born gay as no one chooses to suffer and be ostracized their entire lives for their sexual preference.
Please let me know what you think about this. Am I wrong to not understand what the big deal is in her expressing her lesbianism to be a choice? I know it sounds like it’s supporting the homophobic bigots who think it’s a choice, but really it’s not. I don’t see it being any different than me choosing to date both within and outside of my race. The only reason most people don’t give me kickback for my choice is because my relationships are heterosexual. I’m sure I’ve offended a few racists, but I’ve never experienced anything remotely similar to what my gay friends have. But how can we be upset with someone claiming a choice? I have no clue what my next love is going to look like. ~ Kim
